《逃逸》——最早的网恋穿帮故事

上网第一天，就看过网上千篇一律的寻常故事：网恋了，网恋得活不下去了，要见光死。到约定的地方一看，哦，怎么是你。原来暗恋的妙龄女郎竟是自己的老婆/女友。

今天出门时，开的是我家某大人的车。平日里，他的电台永远是开到NPR/BBC，而且音量极大，钥匙一拧，就是惊天动地，仔细一听，就是炮火连天。我喜欢BBC的几位播音员，可惜他们播的内容永远是战争，冲突，坠机，洪水，地震，车一打着，我总是慌不迭地将电台调到古典音乐台；倒不是附庸风雅，而是为了安全：古典音乐的我们不懂，不懂的东西，就吓不到我们。

今天巧了，某大人的电台却开到了“魔术”台，魔术台是波士顿这里的软摇滚台，唱的都是我喜欢的歌，哥呀妹呀爱呀我怎么又突然不爱你了呀，又不像硬摇滚那样声嘶力竭，我很喜欢。前边播的几首都是老掉牙的情歌，我一边开车，一边手舞足蹈、摇头晃脑地跟着唱下来。心里奇怪，成天关心国家大事、世界风云的某大人，居然也听这些玩物丧志的靡靡之音。

听到一首新的，还没听清歌词，先就觉得那腔调可爱得紧，竖起耳朵一听，哈哈哈乐得我前仰后合。太阳底下无新事，原来网恋穿帮故事古已有之：

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HohpvGeLw70

上网查了查，这是1979年啊，1979年，网络倒是已经存在了，却远远没有到恋爱的辰光，网恋的同学们，大抵还都没有出生呢。老婆出格，是在报纸的征婚栏登广告，老公出格，是居然回复了老婆的征婚广告。

唱的人叫Rupert Holmes，挺尴尬的一个故事，他却一直用顽皮调侃的口气唱，听得我一边开车，一边笑得花枝乱颤。好在我没有喝香槟，还没有把车子开到路边沟里去。

歌词找到了，先贴出来，待会儿有空再试着翻译出来。

ESCAPE (THE PINA COLADA SONG)
(Rupert Holmes)
Rupert Holmes - 1979


I was tired of my lady - we'd been together too long
Like a worn-out recording of a favorite song
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed
And in the personal columns there was this letter I read

"If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain
If you'd like making love at midnight in the dunes on the Cape
Then I'm the love that you've looked for - write to me and escape"

I didn't think about my lady - I know that sounds kind of mean
But me and my old lady have fallen into the same old dull routine
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad
And though I'm nobody's poet, I thought it wasn't half bad

"Yes I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain
I'm not much into health food - I am into champagne
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red-tape
At a bar called O'Malley's, where we'll plan our escape"

So I waited with high hopes and she walked in the place
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, "Oh it's you."
Then we laughed for a moment, and I said, "I never knew."

That you like Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne
If you'd like making love at midnight in the dunes of the Cape
You're the lady I've looked for - come with me and escape